it is very rare for me to consider writing such a thing as this, as in most cases i would convey such a thing in person, but due to the current circumstances i have no choice but to convey such intimate thoughts by such indirect means. i hope in doing this to lay out my thoughts in a straightforward and comprehensible way that we may reach an understanding; however, i am well aware you will likely not respond nor acknowledge this writing, though it pleases me to know that you will read it wholly and give it thought even without any meaningful acknowledgement

you seem to be a man born according to unfortunate times and given to unfortunate circumstances, which i can wholly appreciate and relate to, but the manifestation of these things in your own life seem to lend towards a completely different method of comprehension and communication than the disposition which i have ultimately come to adopt in facing my own tribulations and wrestling with the still unresting wake thereof. given my advanced age in comparison to you, it has been ashamedly unbecoming of me to treat you so poorly in this regard knowing how many errors i’ve committed along the way to where i currently sit, though i should have known better in those more tender times when my emotions raged successfully against my common senses. when i chide you for your naivete, it is with the wisdom looking backwards on many years of confusion and torment by way of my own ignorance, which in your escapades i have relived in the most horrible of ways though through entirely different mechanisms. though my patience should be much greater with you, your blatant honesty and lack of repute in your own actions screams of a time in my life which it pains me to recall, and it is for this reason i so harshly speak against you in what you likely consider to be very plain speech

altogether I am very sorry for losing my patience and temper with you so many times, be it sober or drunk, but i sincerely hope that you understand what i have said in my many rambling and tirades directed towards you. i do not mean you harm nor do i wish to cast you aside like a weak calf, but rather i hope that we can reestablish an honest means of communication and rapport above such trifling things. after knowing you to be a very earnest man when i showed you around my property, and having to even stop you from speaking your piece a few times so i may finish my tour at various times, i just wish that we may establish such a meaningful communication indirectly as we did directly

i know that no one speaks the same on the internet as they do in person, as i’m sure you know from speaking to me in person, but i hope that in some way we can continue to speak over the internet with honesty without the both of us needing to doubt each others’ integrity. though i often get frustrated with the way you speak online, i will try my best to temper my anger against this expectation and i am truly sorry for losing my temper in the past, especially in the more trying times of these last few years. i hope that you can forgive me for my own idiocy and shortcomings, and i genuinely hope we can be honest with each other going forward

if you have anything to say against me, please do so here or in the chat when i am around. it hurts me to have such a strained relationship with a man who should be a brother to me. above all i seek reconciliation, and i sincerely hope we can accomplish such a thing by mutual understanding