The Great Northern Experiment (and Homesteading & Farming General Discussion)
#11846
interestingly enough just following this video being recorded we've run into additional hardships which have been pressing more and more in, but i continue to be absolutely astounded by my willpower and the majesty of a well considered perspective on happenings as they occur. this will not be long as my head hurts but i felt inspired to write this in my current state

one of our two available cars stopped working and will unlikely be fixed soon. the car that remains does not have working heat and the cold is miserable. our first goat, a billy i have fond memories of sleeping beside when he was still young in the virgin meadows of our property, died suddenly of a blood infection resulting from a botched dehorning done by the farmer we purchased him from three years ago. due to a series of misfortunes i wont be able to see my family this christmas, and with only having one vehicle that gabe and co are using to go south will have to walk into town for the church's christmas services. this wouldnt be a big deal as it's only a ten mile walk but ive also come down with an illness over the last two days which has made me very weak. additionally, my gas stove has suddenly stopped working and i'm still trying to figure out what's wrong with it

this may all seem like a lot, a crushing load, but even given all of this i still take great pleasure and rejoice in those brief moments of comfort to allow as a reminder of the golden future lying ahead, the handiwork of my sacrifices and efforts to create something of any worth

i just returned from work which moved much slower due to the sickness. my head was splitting and it was excruciating, and i also had to fill several gas cans so that i can have electricity while without a vehicle, but after returning home and walking back to my cabin, the release of laying down under blankets and being warm fills me with a relief that far exceeds any pains preceding it. the room is cold and the stove unfired but so long as i have the roof, a place to sleep, and some blankets, it really doesn't matter. it's a sublime warmth, a perfect warmth that is never uncomfortable nor overbearing, but always just right. even weakened and unable to effectively regulate its own temperature in the freezing winter cold, returning to the bed renews my spirits and contents me like eating a great feast. even while doing my chores and working today while weakened and in pain, the thought of my inviting bed gave me strength and the will required to do what i must do

i am aware that it is easy for an outsider looking in at this may think it is absolutely miserable, and from their perspective they very well may be right. however, in doing everything that i have done up to this point, the most important realization i've come to truly internalize is this: you deserve nothing. not comfort, not lodging, not food, not water. not even life itself. every moment of your life no matter how agonizing it is in the instant is preferable to death, and even the bestial fear of death itself is conquered by the will and of work, of the philosophy which guides you to do good for others even in your death. when you do not expect to live or have lodging one day to the next you rejoice and make the most of all small comforts and reliefs that are available in the present

the true power and weight of philosophy, as i have come to understand it, is to be in absolute physical misery even unto death and still seeing a bright future before you, whether you are present for it or not

i will sleep now. i hope you all have a wonderful christmas and spend time reflecting on what is important in life
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#11883


short story type video about some change in opportunities, a little bit of reflection on the value of time and money like the previous one
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