"Therefore I hated life; because the work that is wrought under the sun is grievous unto me: for all is vanity and vexation of spirit.
Yea, I hated all my labour which I had taken under the sun: because I should leave it unto the man that shall be after me.
And who knoweth whether he shall be a wise man or a fool? yet shall he have rule over all my labour wherein I have laboured, and wherein I have shewed myself wise under the sun. This is also vanity."
i think about this daily
Yea, I hated all my labour which I had taken under the sun: because I should leave it unto the man that shall be after me.
And who knoweth whether he shall be a wise man or a fool? yet shall he have rule over all my labour wherein I have laboured, and wherein I have shewed myself wise under the sun. This is also vanity."
i think about this daily
beginning to realize that the more i perceive the nature of things the less i am contented with the mechanistic understanding of them. often i stare at fire and have no answer of mechanism for its nature. of course, so it is that its cause is such that a chain reaction puts out energy from the decomposition of constituent molecules, but what is its substance?
the solid byproducts lay aside from the combustion and the gasses do no such thing as this, further it is not so that the loosing of energy in other reactions causes such a thing, nor does it satisfactorily answer why it always raises up to the sky even when the gasses thereby roll about the ground, creeping like the fescue.
do not so quickly mock a thing such as this, nor say to yourself that such a thing is merely an illusion. rather, kindle a fire and grab at it, perceive its volume and know that it is true in the space before you, defying that which is satisfactory to the explanation of such a thing. as i continue to see more and wonder i tend to ask why rather than how about such things
the solid byproducts lay aside from the combustion and the gasses do no such thing as this, further it is not so that the loosing of energy in other reactions causes such a thing, nor does it satisfactorily answer why it always raises up to the sky even when the gasses thereby roll about the ground, creeping like the fescue.
do not so quickly mock a thing such as this, nor say to yourself that such a thing is merely an illusion. rather, kindle a fire and grab at it, perceive its volume and know that it is true in the space before you, defying that which is satisfactory to the explanation of such a thing. as i continue to see more and wonder i tend to ask why rather than how about such things
It is really weird that when we stare at a fire we are just seeing energy(heat) and photons being emitted but that part is not really anything tangible, it just exists. I always find it odd to connect a reaction or even just a liquid to a bunch of chemicals bonded to one another. Staring at buffers I use daily, I ponder the idea of how one atom change can instantly make something deadly while its still the same color as water. Imagine you gain the ability to just visualize every atom vibrating in any state of matter, it would be really cool to see all different types of bonding happening in real time. I think I would better understand chemistry, but at the cost of my sanity!
when i was still very young and of naive understanding someone elder once told me that the whole of life is preparation for death. being young and so far removed from it, i dismissed this idea without a serious thought though clearly it clung to me even though i did not reverence its meaning at that time
as i continue in my endeavors the more that i have come to understand that the beginning of all wisdom is ultimate humility and, more specifically, coming to accept those things which cannot change. the will of man wars against the immutable, those constructs which are built upon stone and are rigid as iron; yea, it is so that such a thing is necessary, for to accept death is not to surrender to it in inaction but rather in knowing it shall come, you are by that unflinching mechanism bolstered to continue restlessly and wrestle with the march of time
what then can we say of those smaller things which cannot change? in the same way that unstoppable death kindles the joy of life and its ultimate purpose, are not those wicked things of times past, of present, or the suffering which is to come just as motivating to the soul of man? truly, we are made perfect by such afflictions
surely there is a time to despair of things such as these, but on the whole as a greater picture the great immutable forces which press on you are formative rather than restrictive. the sore rope which binds the foot is that same rope which stops a man from walking off a great cliff
as i continue in my endeavors the more that i have come to understand that the beginning of all wisdom is ultimate humility and, more specifically, coming to accept those things which cannot change. the will of man wars against the immutable, those constructs which are built upon stone and are rigid as iron; yea, it is so that such a thing is necessary, for to accept death is not to surrender to it in inaction but rather in knowing it shall come, you are by that unflinching mechanism bolstered to continue restlessly and wrestle with the march of time
what then can we say of those smaller things which cannot change? in the same way that unstoppable death kindles the joy of life and its ultimate purpose, are not those wicked things of times past, of present, or the suffering which is to come just as motivating to the soul of man? truly, we are made perfect by such afflictions
surely there is a time to despair of things such as these, but on the whole as a greater picture the great immutable forces which press on you are formative rather than restrictive. the sore rope which binds the foot is that same rope which stops a man from walking off a great cliff
Did you know: You can run a CPU with missing pins
btw i use arch, and you should too, shame on you.
enable IPv6 or suffer from IPv4 deprectiation
in times such as these, or of any really, it is important to bear record of a thing which presses sorely on the hearts of men. often times i have said that chief among all the disciplines of one's self is to bring lust under full submission to the will, for to let it consume your mind unabated it will quickly destroy not only you, but every person close to you. following is a parable of that which i have recently seen
the famished man rejoices over even stale bread, so does the parched man rejoice over even foul water. however, the regularly sated man shall not be content, even with the most delectable finery or the finest wine. he shall never know in all his luxury the joy of the poor man partaking in that stale bread and foul water after much labor in the day
but it is true, so very true, that the poor man looks at even the scraps of that rich man and wonders to himself, "do i not deserve such a sumptuous meal, yea even the scraps thereof? what separates that man from myself, being of that same dust?" he says this not knowing fullness, and the silent misery thereof; sometimes, even knowing that void of perpetual contentment he sometimes is plagued with this envy
then a day comes, drawn into the strange bedchamber with a woman of fine form and the abundance of those earthly comforts. despite the undying heat of the summer which is only abated by a wetted rag or a hand fan there is cool air in this room. the water which is wrenched from the ground flows freely with the twist of the hand. the savory meat and old grapes are still on your tongue as you lay, beholding that which is otherwise concealed. though she presses to your side entreating you and your mind being confused with strong drink, you remember:
cursed be the son of the perpetually sated man, walking in wickedness and blindness. he knows not where he comes or where he goes, and all the days of his life his tongue curses the loins from whence he came, and his days are few by the seeking of death. for he is the son of that selfsame man, walking in his way as he walked in the way of his father before him
you did not enter her that eve, and the strength of the will and much wisdom prevails over the weak flesh
the famished man rejoices over even stale bread, so does the parched man rejoice over even foul water. however, the regularly sated man shall not be content, even with the most delectable finery or the finest wine. he shall never know in all his luxury the joy of the poor man partaking in that stale bread and foul water after much labor in the day
but it is true, so very true, that the poor man looks at even the scraps of that rich man and wonders to himself, "do i not deserve such a sumptuous meal, yea even the scraps thereof? what separates that man from myself, being of that same dust?" he says this not knowing fullness, and the silent misery thereof; sometimes, even knowing that void of perpetual contentment he sometimes is plagued with this envy
then a day comes, drawn into the strange bedchamber with a woman of fine form and the abundance of those earthly comforts. despite the undying heat of the summer which is only abated by a wetted rag or a hand fan there is cool air in this room. the water which is wrenched from the ground flows freely with the twist of the hand. the savory meat and old grapes are still on your tongue as you lay, beholding that which is otherwise concealed. though she presses to your side entreating you and your mind being confused with strong drink, you remember:
cursed be the son of the perpetually sated man, walking in wickedness and blindness. he knows not where he comes or where he goes, and all the days of his life his tongue curses the loins from whence he came, and his days are few by the seeking of death. for he is the son of that selfsame man, walking in his way as he walked in the way of his father before him
you did not enter her that eve, and the strength of the will and much wisdom prevails over the weak flesh
If you can enter the space stage of Spore (2008) in like a couple hours of gameplay then why has it been 70 years since we put someone on the moon and we still haven't made it to mars yet. Just a thought.
for a long time i've struggled with the idea of loving your enemies and those that hate you, but i've been reflecting on some things and at last i think i've come to a satisfactory idea of the practicality of this
one of my favorite biblical stories is the humbling of nebuchadnezzar ii. in short, after charging jerusalem and destroying the first temple, king nebuchadnezzar casts down both the god of the hebrews and the gods of the babylonians by declaring himself to be god. in response, he's struck by a great bolt of lightning and goes completely insane, casting off his crown and clothing and going about on all fours eating only grass and bitter herbs for seven years before his sanity is restored through sincere repentance
this story speaks to me for many reasons and i always seem to find new applications for it over the years, and recently i've began to understand it in light of loving those that hate you. the root of all human suffering comes from blindly following the passions and pleasures without contemplation. because the base heart of man is wicked beyond all understanding and constantly strives to destroy that which is good, the longer you allow yourself to be lead by this inherently evil instrument you increase in carnality, losing scope of your actions, their consequences, and the greater context in which you exist
in this process, you become more and more carnal; that is to say, less like a man and more like a beast. when the mind is completely given to carnality, the inward man becomes indistinguishable from the beast of the field, and the soul goes forth naked on all fours eating only grass and bitter herbs. this is especially scary when you consider that the outward man can look rather normal in this state although inwardly he is a ravenous beast with no understanding of what his actions cause until it is much, much too late
it can be easy to look at someone who continually exercises poor judgement with a deep hatred, and as you see them destroy their own lives and the lives of those around them it can be truly infuriating; however, it is important to remember this: you are looking at an animal. outwardly they look human but inwardly they are no different from the chicken that refuses to go into the coop at night because it would rather perch in a tree, not knowing the bobcat waits at the base of that very tree. they're no different from the little lamb that sneaks under the fence to get some of the choice grass just out of the paddock, but not knowing its way back is struck down by the wolf
you do not hate the chicken for its foolishness of perching in the tree or hate the lamb for its fighting the fence, but rather you put the chicken into the coop and seek out the lamb before nightfall out of love for them. sometimes the chicken will flap and fight as if you're out to kill it and the lamb might give chase, but you pursue them out of love for them
so it is for those who hate you
one of my favorite biblical stories is the humbling of nebuchadnezzar ii. in short, after charging jerusalem and destroying the first temple, king nebuchadnezzar casts down both the god of the hebrews and the gods of the babylonians by declaring himself to be god. in response, he's struck by a great bolt of lightning and goes completely insane, casting off his crown and clothing and going about on all fours eating only grass and bitter herbs for seven years before his sanity is restored through sincere repentance
this story speaks to me for many reasons and i always seem to find new applications for it over the years, and recently i've began to understand it in light of loving those that hate you. the root of all human suffering comes from blindly following the passions and pleasures without contemplation. because the base heart of man is wicked beyond all understanding and constantly strives to destroy that which is good, the longer you allow yourself to be lead by this inherently evil instrument you increase in carnality, losing scope of your actions, their consequences, and the greater context in which you exist
in this process, you become more and more carnal; that is to say, less like a man and more like a beast. when the mind is completely given to carnality, the inward man becomes indistinguishable from the beast of the field, and the soul goes forth naked on all fours eating only grass and bitter herbs. this is especially scary when you consider that the outward man can look rather normal in this state although inwardly he is a ravenous beast with no understanding of what his actions cause until it is much, much too late
it can be easy to look at someone who continually exercises poor judgement with a deep hatred, and as you see them destroy their own lives and the lives of those around them it can be truly infuriating; however, it is important to remember this: you are looking at an animal. outwardly they look human but inwardly they are no different from the chicken that refuses to go into the coop at night because it would rather perch in a tree, not knowing the bobcat waits at the base of that very tree. they're no different from the little lamb that sneaks under the fence to get some of the choice grass just out of the paddock, but not knowing its way back is struck down by the wolf
you do not hate the chicken for its foolishness of perching in the tree or hate the lamb for its fighting the fence, but rather you put the chicken into the coop and seek out the lamb before nightfall out of love for them. sometimes the chicken will flap and fight as if you're out to kill it and the lamb might give chase, but you pursue them out of love for them
so it is for those who hate you
had something happen to me on saturday and then on sunday that made me happier than anything else i've ever experienced in my life and i figured i would share it
was doing my job on saturday driving a route for a printing press in town and delivering papers etc. there'd been a harsh ice storm starting from the previous evening which slowed things down considerably, and as i was heading to my final town to stop at, my vehicle began breaking down; fortunately, however, i was able to get it to limp into town and parked at a gas station. made some phone calls and arranged for a tow truck to get back to the town the company is in, but because this town was so far away it would be a few hours till they could get there
i feel like this would annoy most people but i didnt mind it terribly much, i have to ration my gas very heavily right now so i cant really go out and do anything on my own time so it was nice to have a change of scenery. it was above freezing and kinda sunny so i was wandering around and shoe-skating on the icy sidewalks and side roads and it was pretty fun
after an hour or so i started getting bored, but remembered i had four dollars in cash in my wallet that was outside of my strict budget so i figured i would spoil myself a bit and see if i could get some eggs and sausage at a diner. walking up the road a ways i stopped in at a small joint and asked for a menu at the counter. after looking at it for a while i realized there was nothing on it i could actually afford with my four dollars, so i set it down on the counter and asked the gal behind it if it was possible for me to just order an egg or two and some ham or sausage. she apologized and said no, then asked why i would want to do that. sheepishly i replied under my breath that i couldn't afford anything, then wished her a nice weekend
i turned and walked out the door, but as i was just beginning to walk away, a man, who i later learned was the owner, yelled after me and grabbed my shoulder. he spoke with conviction and told me they never turn away someone hungry, and invited me back into the diner. he seated me and told me my meal would be on the house; not only that, but he would also cook me a second meal to take with me to go. taken aback and completely stunned, i shook his hand and thanked him, unsure even what to say or how to emotionally respond to such a thing as such random kindness is foreign to me -- this man didn't know me from adam and he was willing to go this far out of his way for some fucking weird dude that probably smelled like animal shit and kerosene
he returned shortly and i ordered very modestly, not wanting to be a burden. we spoke intermittently as he went between the kitchen and the dining area. we both shared stories, i explained to him why i was in such a bad spot and this exceedingly miserable winter, he explained to me how hard it was to get off his feet and start the diner he's running now. it was a very pleasant conversation albeit a bit scattered considering the circumstances
he served me the food, not just what i had ordered but in all there were double portions and extra sides. the spread was more than i would it in three days let alone one meal, and frankly i was a bit daunted. not only that, though, but the food was absolutely astounding, very flavorful and delicious, cooked and served excellently. i tried to eat as much as i could but only managed to finish half of it and had the rest boxed
i returned to the front counter with my boxed leftovers and the owner was there, a big mesh shopping bag the size of my torso filled to the brim with food: the second meal, pastries, cakes, snacks, fine bread, and other assorted niceties. he told me to have it, and to come back if i ever needed anything else. not exactly being good with handling my emotions, tears began welling in my eyes and i started coughing, truly at my breaking point but not wanting to start sobbing with joy in the middle of a busy restaurant; however, the owner's sister hugged me while my head was down and i was trying my best to get the tears from my eyes.
i then looked back up at the man, smiling at me, and shook his hand once more with vigor and swore i would repay him for his generosity in the summer. he told me it wasn't necessary, but i insisted he would get back fourfold what he had given to me in such a trying time. we said our goodbyes and i walked out the door and into a thicket of trees nearby where i sobbed for a short time in privacy
the rest of the day continued normally but i was so happy that no words could properly explain it. on sunday, gabe tells me he's got corned beef and cabbage cooking and invites me over. we enjoy the evening feasting and talking, and i give them some of the dessert treats that were given to me by the diner owner on saturday. they greatly appreciated it much like i had the previous day. evidently, gabe is doing very well financially which bodes well for our plans this coming summer
i have never been so contented and happy with my sacrifice and work towards helping those i love, and i'm beyond pleased that despite such a horrendous winter this coming summer looks brighter than ever. the event at the restaurant has inspired me, though, to make sure that in times of excess this summer with the crops and animal products that i go out of my way to bless not only those i love and care about with the harvests and work of my hands, but also to those i do not yet know or even those i may only see once and never meet again. in the same way you cannot reap a harvest that you have not sown the seeds for, you cannot expect to reap good will in your community if you do not sow the seeds of love and abundant generosity to the stranger
i hope some day that by my sacrifices and through the blessings of god i may one day be to many people as the owner of that diner was to me on saturday. have a great lent everyone
was doing my job on saturday driving a route for a printing press in town and delivering papers etc. there'd been a harsh ice storm starting from the previous evening which slowed things down considerably, and as i was heading to my final town to stop at, my vehicle began breaking down; fortunately, however, i was able to get it to limp into town and parked at a gas station. made some phone calls and arranged for a tow truck to get back to the town the company is in, but because this town was so far away it would be a few hours till they could get there
i feel like this would annoy most people but i didnt mind it terribly much, i have to ration my gas very heavily right now so i cant really go out and do anything on my own time so it was nice to have a change of scenery. it was above freezing and kinda sunny so i was wandering around and shoe-skating on the icy sidewalks and side roads and it was pretty fun
after an hour or so i started getting bored, but remembered i had four dollars in cash in my wallet that was outside of my strict budget so i figured i would spoil myself a bit and see if i could get some eggs and sausage at a diner. walking up the road a ways i stopped in at a small joint and asked for a menu at the counter. after looking at it for a while i realized there was nothing on it i could actually afford with my four dollars, so i set it down on the counter and asked the gal behind it if it was possible for me to just order an egg or two and some ham or sausage. she apologized and said no, then asked why i would want to do that. sheepishly i replied under my breath that i couldn't afford anything, then wished her a nice weekend
i turned and walked out the door, but as i was just beginning to walk away, a man, who i later learned was the owner, yelled after me and grabbed my shoulder. he spoke with conviction and told me they never turn away someone hungry, and invited me back into the diner. he seated me and told me my meal would be on the house; not only that, but he would also cook me a second meal to take with me to go. taken aback and completely stunned, i shook his hand and thanked him, unsure even what to say or how to emotionally respond to such a thing as such random kindness is foreign to me -- this man didn't know me from adam and he was willing to go this far out of his way for some fucking weird dude that probably smelled like animal shit and kerosene
he returned shortly and i ordered very modestly, not wanting to be a burden. we spoke intermittently as he went between the kitchen and the dining area. we both shared stories, i explained to him why i was in such a bad spot and this exceedingly miserable winter, he explained to me how hard it was to get off his feet and start the diner he's running now. it was a very pleasant conversation albeit a bit scattered considering the circumstances
he served me the food, not just what i had ordered but in all there were double portions and extra sides. the spread was more than i would it in three days let alone one meal, and frankly i was a bit daunted. not only that, though, but the food was absolutely astounding, very flavorful and delicious, cooked and served excellently. i tried to eat as much as i could but only managed to finish half of it and had the rest boxed
i returned to the front counter with my boxed leftovers and the owner was there, a big mesh shopping bag the size of my torso filled to the brim with food: the second meal, pastries, cakes, snacks, fine bread, and other assorted niceties. he told me to have it, and to come back if i ever needed anything else. not exactly being good with handling my emotions, tears began welling in my eyes and i started coughing, truly at my breaking point but not wanting to start sobbing with joy in the middle of a busy restaurant; however, the owner's sister hugged me while my head was down and i was trying my best to get the tears from my eyes.
i then looked back up at the man, smiling at me, and shook his hand once more with vigor and swore i would repay him for his generosity in the summer. he told me it wasn't necessary, but i insisted he would get back fourfold what he had given to me in such a trying time. we said our goodbyes and i walked out the door and into a thicket of trees nearby where i sobbed for a short time in privacy
the rest of the day continued normally but i was so happy that no words could properly explain it. on sunday, gabe tells me he's got corned beef and cabbage cooking and invites me over. we enjoy the evening feasting and talking, and i give them some of the dessert treats that were given to me by the diner owner on saturday. they greatly appreciated it much like i had the previous day. evidently, gabe is doing very well financially which bodes well for our plans this coming summer
i have never been so contented and happy with my sacrifice and work towards helping those i love, and i'm beyond pleased that despite such a horrendous winter this coming summer looks brighter than ever. the event at the restaurant has inspired me, though, to make sure that in times of excess this summer with the crops and animal products that i go out of my way to bless not only those i love and care about with the harvests and work of my hands, but also to those i do not yet know or even those i may only see once and never meet again. in the same way you cannot reap a harvest that you have not sown the seeds for, you cannot expect to reap good will in your community if you do not sow the seeds of love and abundant generosity to the stranger
i hope some day that by my sacrifices and through the blessings of god i may one day be to many people as the owner of that diner was to me on saturday. have a great lent everyone