I don't know anything about chord progressions or analyzing music, but it sounds like umineko and it's super cool I'm thinking a ritardando around 1:28-ish and making the bassline a bit louder/crescendo would make the transition to the final section feel more dramatic
if i ever get the hang of pxtone i'll try posting my own things as well in the meantime though here are my wip covers of shiver star from kirby 64 and northern desert from pmd sky, still have to balance the volume and figure out a bunch of other things